Hole 1: Fling your disc directly into the back of Silvie's head but pretend you didn't mean it. You obviously didn't. Silvie will trip a little and pretend it doesn't hurt. It does hurt, but pain is good. We grow from pain. Lesson one of disc golf.
Hole 2: Dan launches his disc in the most perfectly angled manner and it lands 10 feet from the hole. He pumps his fist with purpose, grunts "yeah," then races off to finish his quick victory. No one likes a meathead. Don't be an outcast.
Hole 3: Silvie gets angry and throws her disc in the woods. She lights a cigarette, puts it out and scarfs a bag of "granola." Make sure the food you eat is food you prepared. Unless of course you're homeless and hungry, in which case eat whatever you can.
Hole 4: Mutton Chop's airborne torpedo whizzes by Linda's face and nearly wipes her eyebrows off. She submits and digs for her 40. Always bring beer, you never know what'll get you down.
Hole 5: Afro Sprout tosses her disc underhand. It's airborne for .0000002 seconds. Bringing along a less than stellar player by which to judge your substandard performance is advisable.
Hole 6: It seems you've miraculously gotten the disc within scoring distance in just one throw. That's really well done. You deserve a drink. In fact, several. Bartender, make it one for my friend and one for me.
Hole 7: Aren't the woods beautiful? Yeah, for rapists. Wear bright clothes that contrast with the trees. Neons work well.
Hole 8: Brauny expends all his flaming man-power and the disc soars out of the woods and into the parking lot. You don't have to be straight to love disc golf.
Hole 9: You're thirsty for beer. Take a 20 minute recess to go buy it. No one judges you in disc golf.
Hole 10-14: Silvie's been missing since hole 3. She turns up for a minute, half naked wearing a bloody fox, then slips again into the forest. Linda's disc lands in a bird's nest. Oh wait, that's Silve's hair. Disc golf is like interpretive dance. Make it your own.
Hole 15: You're getting so good you throw 2 discs at the same time. Double hole in one. Well done, you.
Hole 16&17: Ask for the Coviello cookie special. Thank me later.
Hole 18: Wow, you've really made it. Congratulations. The sun's probably setting and the trees sway with desire. Go ahead, give it one last go. Hole in one like it's your birthday.
